self-care

Unintentional February Break—Part One

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This won’t be a blow-by-blow post about what I did this month. I’ve felt soft and impressionable because of a few unexpected life events during the last few weeks. Both my husband and I had friends who passed away, and then one of my parents was suddenly hospitalized while I was away in Seattle last week. (They’re better now. Phew!) But, post COVID (yes, I went through THAT last month), this was all just a bit too much for me—but I’ve kept going. No one enjoys feeling fragile, and there are so many exciting things in the garden to look forward to in 2023.

Who knew #arctokitty wasn’t a thing? Well, it is now!

Laughing is the best medicine and when I realized that #arctokitty didn’t exist on Instagram, well, I worked hard to make sure it had at least a few photos. My sweet boy Oliver actually is a fan of the plant that’s beloved at Cistus Nursery where I work, and he’s known to lounge in my neighbor’s back garden where she has a bit of a chaparral meadow going on. My #arctokitty really does love manzanitas aka Artctostaphylos. It’s been fun realizing this as the plants have all grown and so too has his interest in them.

The only plants I saw during my COVID vacation were these two in the bathroom (a Tillandsia and unknown Philodendron hybrid), and a few in my bedroom. I’ve grown to enjoy this indoor plant combo more and more as time has gone by.

Contracting COVID-19 last month really messed up my momentum and threw me behind. I lost a lot of work hours, I had fog for a few weeks, and regular plant maintenance didn’t take place. This month I worked an 8-day work week for the first time, had to prepare for my online talk through Heronswood, and then had to pick the begonias to take up to Seattle for my DIY seminar. Throughout all of this, I just wanted to hide but I kept going and am glad I did! I got through it all!

Alfie is rarely on the fence about anything. He’s an aggressive chonky Alpha cat who loves nothing more than attacking the other cats, eating a lot, flopping on the heat vent on the floor, and snuggling.

Instead of feeling overwhelmed with responsibilities and tasks, I chose to experience being present and accepted where I was at, and then thanked the stars again and again for Orladyo. This month I reached the 6-month mark and it’s been amazing to discuss the changes with my medical team. The next 6 months will be good too, but I can expect less dramatic shifts in my health.

Yet another interesting chance seedling out of the seedling crop I grew at Cistus Nursery. We’re not sure if it’s a dud just yet. Now we wait and watch. I wonder what color the flower will be…

At the start of February I was happily back at work again. I jumped right in to catch up on tasks such as seed sowing and making divisions of things out at Secret Garden Growers. Right now I feel pretty happy with it all, but it was not easy at first. I’ve lost some valuable time this winter, but this is the season in horticulture where things can be extreme in unexpected ways. While many gardeners are at home and bored, I’m working like crazy making plants for them to purchase in the coming weeks and months.

What a fun theme for the Northwest Flower and Garden Festival.

The other big event this month was just like last year—but I was even more excited hoping to see the city of Seattle come to life again. We were not disappointed. Many more attendees were there, the hotel was vibrant, and restaurants were filled. The excitement of spring was in the air—even if we have a cold front moving towards us, again. So many friends and acquaintances were speakers this year. It was a wonderful event and I’m more than grateful to have been included.

The mess I left at the end of my DIY seminar on growing and propagating begonias. (I promise a group of friends and I cleaned it up.)

My DIY seminar was fun but the clock on the table ended up telling me the wrong time so I went over a bit. Last year questions from the audience were a bit scary, but this year, I very much enjoyed them. It’s funny how little I speak to the general public. Even with a blog here on the web, I tend to speak to the same audience, primarily other horticulturists, and a few avid gardeners, many of whom are local and good friends. It’s nice to share information, and I look forward to more talks in the future although I’m pretty much taking a big break until fall.

That’s good news for the blog though since I will be catching up on projects and plantings that I can write about. Time off in bed had me thinking a lot about comments from mentors that I’ve received, and it’s had me thinking more and more about how to move forward professionally too. There are no big changes, it’s just a matter of growing a bit more.

Bed rest and self-care techniques are all I have now as I keep moving forward into spring. I can’t wait for the months ahead, but I need to take care of myself and learn to be a better advocate for my needs and concerns.

So this was the main core of the last few weeks, lots and lots of work, maintenance of my plants here at home, plans for my garden for the next 6-8 months, and going to the Northwest Flower and Garden Festival to learn from others, meet new folks, talk to others, and hug my friends and let them know how much I value having them in my life.

While this may not sound like gardening, it’s been all about gardening, but in that contemplative and thoughtful way we so often sink into during the winter months.

Winter is all about tending to our inner gardens.

To Be Continued…

It Only Took 30 Years…

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This blog has been criticized in the past for being too personal, and to be honest, it was started because I couldn’t work, was too disabled to work, and I longed to be working outside, to be free, and to be healthy. My feelings and personal life were bound to leak in. And yet, somehow, creating this blog has led to many opportunities over the years.

Yucca rostrata ‘Sapphire Skies’ in the garden at Secret Garden Growers. This plant was selected from seed by my other employer and mentor Sean Hogan. It is so great to work in a community that appreciates the skills and accomplishments of one another.

I wanted to live with dignity. I had spent a long time working hard to receive an education, to find flexible employment, and to be creative. It’s been a slog keeping it all together. There is A LOT of ugly that I’ve had to pass through. Through it all, I’ve become stronger and wiser.

Felix was a bit chilled this last weekend when it was cooler. He enjoyed having the frost cloth made available to him.

Several weeks ago my life changed in a big way. I didn’t immediately announce anything here, and it will take nearly 6 more months until we see the full changes, but I’m happy, and my body is changing.

Finally, I’ve been given the right pill to help that which ails me. It’s a new medication. “ORLADEYO® (berotralstat) is a plasma kallikrein inhibitor indicated for prophylaxis to prevent attacks of hereditary angioedema (HAE).”

So far, it’s helping me. 

Streptocarpus UA Tiramisu.

It is difficult to not be angry about losing so many opportunities, and to have faced challenges I failed at, and to not like what illness has done to me physically, but I ran out of anger 11 years ago.

Eucomis ‘Sparkling Burgundy’ look great when planted in a large open bed with tons of sun.

My immunologist let me know that she’d be resubmitting a request for me to receive the new pill for my condition. It’s a very expensive treatment, and up until now, I was never ill enough for anything other than anabolic steroids and other meds that have acted like bandages.

I didn’t expect that I’d be approved immediately. Over the years, we’ve tried, and always had to resubmit, and I gave up any expectations.

So just to stay calm, I planned my trip ahead of time not knowing what would happen.

I wonder who the crazy lady is who lives here with all of the plants in her window…

I have a blood disorder and it causes me to swell, a lot. It has wrecked havoc on my life since I was 18 but it wasn’t diagnosed until I was nearly 30. No treatments have really helped, but we were able to reach the point where I could work in horticulture more and more. This has not been easy though.

Pelargonium ‘Xochi’ is a stunner.

There are no savings to take a month off, but I’m working like crazy so that I can go on a plant vacation soon. Right now, I’m adjusting to the new medication and I’m walking a lot at night to process how I feel. These last few months I’ve been flooded with emotions. I’ve had a lot of medical appointments leading up to this, all in the hopes that I’d gotten worse so we could prove somehow that I needed help.

We’ve been doing this for years, and it is not a process I’d recommend. This time, though, I got help.

Aristolochia fimbriata in the garden.

Overall though, I feel calm now. Swelling in all of us sets off alarm bells. I’m not dealing with that daily anymore. I’m taking one day at a time. I’m living in the present. I am enjoying a calm and quiet mind.

Yes, one of those Monstera deliciosa ‘Albo Variegata’ plants. I’m selling a few of these that I never got around to unloading after my LAST trip to California last fall. This is the most lovely one.

Each day now I’m just kind of letting things flow and I’m not pushing hard. I’m focussing on eating a large dinner so that the new pill won’t make me ill, and I’m sleeping a lot more. I am soooo tired.

I have fought so hard, and it has been a very lonely and isolating experience.

xGlokohleria rosea given to me by my friend Derek.

There is time up ahead to spent with my dad, I’m getting the garden under control before I leave, and I’m making plans with friends. I love and adore those who’ve been by my side for so long. They’ve helped me so much, and so often.

Seemania ‘Little Red’ aka Gloxinia ‘Little Red’.

At work I’m paying attention to the plants, but I’m also trying to notice if there are any changes I’m experiencing that I should tell my medical team about. No one is certain how this will change my other conditions. I’m hoping my lungs are better, and that some of the circulatory issues improve, but we need to wait and see.

In the meantime, I’m trying to buy more clothing and take care of me. I don’t know what I will do next.

“You shall not pass!!” Felix blocking Alfie from crawling up into his personal private area in the Seed Studio.

Spending time with the cats at home is kind of what I focus on now. I’m working so hard so I can travel and live my life, but I miss the cats a lot when I am not here.

This last weekend Felix, Alfie and I started to sort out the Seed Studio a bit for an HPSO Open Garden this next weekend. (It is Saturday and Sunday from 10-3 if you’re local.) I’m not at all ready for it, but I will do it anyway.

I seriously cannot believe that I’m at this point in my life.

I have cried so many times about not getting the medical help that I needed, and now, here I am, at 48, finally getting some help. They made the process for approval very easy and I was told that they were aware stress could cause problems for my health, and that they wanted to alleviate that.

Seems like something I would have loved to have heard for decades.

Me on a good day. Not all days right now feel this good. But this day, it was nice.

It only took 30 years, but here I am, unsure of what I’ll want to do next, but at least I have finally been given the medical opportunity I’ve waited so long for…