Working in the greenhouses this time of year is increasingly a challenge for me, but I know that once we hit Winter Solstice, we’re on our way to spring. The last few weeks have been difficult for me, for my body, and for my spirit. I’ve had to say goodbye to former classmates, and now a good friend.
Suicide is real. If you or anyone else you know is having an especially difficult time this year, please reach out for help and resources.
“Death leaves a heartache no one can heal; Love leaves a memory no one can steal.”
Amateur Bot-ann-ist 
I’m sorry you lost your friend Ann. We lost a close neighbor to suicide last year. One can only imagine the desperation and darkness they feel, and sometimes we are helpless to intervene. Our neighbor spent time in counseling and was on watch to no avail. I am feeding his feral cat that he fed -we call her Pauls Cat, and she won’t let me touch her. But she greets me with a meow whenever she sees me and comes running for her food. She’s (I don’t know if she is a she) a beautiful cat too. I should take a pic and post on FB. She will probably hiss at me. So this is how I honor Paul .
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We’re all at a loss. He never talked about suicide. From what we understood, he hiked and exercised to keep the blues away. Like others though, he felt more alone and isolated during the pandemic. A year ago now another one of our friends also chose suicide. We never had time to process that together, or share in our grief with a bonfire. We’re still left with so many questions, but all we can do now is send love out for him and others—much like you and that cat. I’m so sorry for your loss too.
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My condolences on the loss of your friend Ann. Suicide is hardest on those left behind as friends and family try to make sense of it all. While sad and hard to understand your friend is at peace. Holding on to good memories will always keep him close.
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