As I walk the path of divorce I never expected to take, I find myself looking at plants, blooms, and nature (in general) in a very different way. I am sure that the therapy I’m going through has a lot to do with this, as does the experience of separation and divorce itself, but it also has a lot to do with a return to myself as I continue to feel healthier after being prescribed a medication that has pushed my swelling disease back almost all the way into remission.
It’s been about 10 years since I’ve been able to take such long walks, often for 5 miles at a go, and Portland is an amazing place to wander around. Somehow my mind has been wandering back and forth in time as I’ve walked block after block, between now, and back a decade, back to who I was before I met my soon to be ex-husband, and that’s added a different layer to what I see and how I filter it through my mind.
The stories we tell ourselves—about ourselves, and those around us—can be deceptive and I see that now more than ever. The honesty necessary to keep these stories alive, and to live in an honest fashion within them requires a type of strength and bravery I didn’t understand until recently. Somehow though, the common Daffodil is there to remind me of my own myth deep inside of myself. We all create these stories about who we are and they often help us through troubled times. They can help to explain experiences, and help us to find meaning when we need to find it, but they don’t always help us to move forward.
As I walked, I thought a lot about my current dislike for the Daffodil bloom and it made me smile a bit. My myth is moving inside of me right now, something is budding, but my old myth is still there, the one from long ago. She will always be there sadly, for she is Echo.
Echo & Narcissus
I’ve been Echo. I’ve felt like Echo for a very long time. For some reason, I’ve never liked Narcissus blooms, but I simply cannot imagine why…